2005-08-27 23:00:00
It's really over
I guess no amount of work would help us out. I went over Friday night and we had a great time. I woke up Saturday morning around 11. After I got my shower, I walked out to the living room where Mary was. She didn't look happy at all. I went over to her (she was sitting on the recliner) kissed her shoulder and started rubbing her arm. A few seconds later she got up, walked to the kitchen, and asked me if I was leaving. I was, I had to get home for my grandparents 50th anniversary party. I gave her a hug and a kiss, then home I went. I got home and unlocked my computer to find this:i can't do it kevin. i don't know how else to tell you, but there is just something that isn't working and i can't help how i feel. you know i love you and that will never change, but right now i do need to be alone. i hate to have to do this, but it has to be done before either of us invests too much. i'm sorry. i'll talk to you later. love you
That's the second time in a couple days. I wasn't as hurt as I was Sunday, I was mad. And it showed. Everytime I've talked to her since that message I've been an ass. But, ultimately, I was saying what was on my mind. She always said I needed to talk more, and to say whatever I was thinking, even if it would hurt. I did. And it obviously did hurt her. I wish I could take all of those words back. It's amazing what you can say when you're blinded by anger. I forgot about all of the great times we had. I forgot about how she loves me, even though she had to let me go.She still wants to be friends though. That's going to be the hardest part about this. I'm still in love, and every time I talk to her I'll remember everything we had. I'll remember I can't have that with her anymore. But I do still want to be friends. She's the best friend I've ever had. She brought out a different side of me. I liked that side. I want it back. I want her back. It just sucks to think neither of those will be back.
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